It is necessary to distinguish between cuming out and outing – the act of forcibly revealing someone’s orientation or identity, aimed at causing harm.
See also: How to respond to parents if the child is homosexual: advice from a psychologist
How to make a cuming out?
It should be understood that a single correct algorithm does not exist. Each person is special, as is his environment, so all possible reactions cannot be predicted. But it’s worthwhile to understand that there is no “bad” or “good” cuming out.
Cuming out is not easy
However, there are two types of cuming outs: sharp and gradual. In the first version, you tell everything at once, for example, in social networks. In the second – gradually increase the number of people who know about you. The British organization Stonewall advises you to remember that cuming out does not have to apply immediately to all areas of a person’s life, so you should not put pressure on yourself.
1. Security. The most important thing you should do is think about your own safety. In Ukraine, not everyone has a tolerant attitude towards LGBT people. For many people, otherness causes aggression and rejection. Even if you decide to tell your parents, you must be sure that they will not commit violence against you or will be expelled from your home. If you are not sure, then it is better to defer a cuming-out until that time until you begin to live separately.
If you decide to tell your friends, make sure that they know how to keep secrets. If you do not want your whole environment to know about it. Because, in addition to physical violence, it’s also possible psychological, you can be pressured, blackmailed, brought to tears and so on – and in this case it is important to understand where to look for support.
Safety is the most important condition for a cuming out
Psychologists and support groups for relatives, organizations of parents of LGBT children who have experience working with various situations can be good helpers.
2. Plan. As with any difficult and emotional conversation, it is better to prepare for a coming out in advance – at least think about what you will say so as not to get confused. Many stereotypes are based on assumptions and fears not supported by experience. Available information that clarifies issues of identity, which is presented in a friendly manner, can dispel myths and reduce anxiety. It is also worth considering the form (a personal meeting or, for example, a letter) and a convenient time.
3. Perceive yourself. Remember, a story about your identity is not something you should be ashamed of. No need to make excuses. It is necessary to explain, but not to stand in the position of a person who has done something terrible. There is nothing bolder and more valuable than the struggle for one’s life and security.
How to respond to a cuming out?
In no case should you insult the person who revealed himself to you. You must understand that after recognition he did not become different. This person remains the same girlfriend / friend / child / brother for you, just now you know more about him. If you are opened – trust. Do not lose this trust due to stereotypes and ignorance. Love and value loved ones, even though it’s hard for you to understand something.
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